Furry Little Problem (Or: Sirius' First Piercing)
by RJLupinFan
Summary: "He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit." This is the story of four boys, two girls, and a rabbit.


**Title: Furry Little Problem (Or: Sirius' First Piercing)**

Summary: "He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit." This is the story of four boys, two girls, and a rabbit.

Just a little plot bunny (pun intended) that came to mind one day. Enjoy!

* * *

Remus Lupin ran at full speed up the stairs and threw himself into the boy's dormitory, slamming the door shut behind him. James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, who were sitting in a circle on Peter's bed playing Exploding Snap, all turned to stare as their friend.

"What have I done?" moaned Remus, frantically tugging on his hair. He looked completely besides himself.

"Moony, what happened?" asked James as he jumped off the bed, looking worried.

"Dorcas! _Dorcas Meadowes_! She asked to see my bunny!" exclaimed Remus.

Sirius snorting.

"Your bunny?" he said, sounding amused. "Is that what they're calling it these days? Kinky. Is it because it's furry?"

"What? No - _Sirius_ , _no_!" said Remus, looking scandalised as he collapsed on to his bed with dramatic flair. "My _bunny_! She thinks I have a rabbit!"

"Why would she think that?" asked Peter, frowning in confused.

"Because of Prongs!" he replied, glaring at James.

"Me? Bollocks!" replied James defensively. "I never said anything about a bunny!"

"No, but you're always talking about my _furry little problem_ for everyone to hear!" said Remus, clearly frustrated. "There I was, talking to Lily about prefect duties when Dorcas asks me if you call my bunny my furry little problem because it's really misbehaved! And I was so terrified of her finding out the truth, I just said yes!"

Much to his displeasure, his friends seemed to find this amusing. Didn't they comprehend the seriousness of the situation?

"Then what happened?" asked Sirius, sniggering.

"Then, she asked me what his name is, and I said the first name I could think of!" he said.

"And what name was that?" asked James.

"Bob! I have a bloody bunny called Bob!" he groaned.

"Bob!" exclaimed the three boys in unison, among renews bouts of laughter.

"And then she just stared at me, no doubt wondering what kind of an idiot names their rabbit Bob. So I explained it's short for Babbitty Rabbity, except Dorcas and Lily are both muggle born so they have no idea what I'm talking about! I made a total fool of myself," he said, burying his face in his hands. "And now Dorcas and Lily both want to see Bob!"

At this, James stopped laughing.

"Wait? Evans wants to see Bob?"

Remus nodded miserably.

"They asked if they could come up to the dorm later tonight to see him and I said yes!"

"You said _yes_?" exclaimed James, exasperated. "Why would you say yes? You don't even have a rabbit!"

"Because he's fancies Meadowes amd can't say no to her!" said Sirius. "The love sick fool."

"You could have said it was a dog, or a rat. At least then Sirius or I could have transformed," said Peter.

"Yeh, shame his brain shuts down when Meadowes is around," replied Sirius.

"What am I going to do?" moaned Remus. "I'm such a fool!"

"Wait!" exclaimed James as he sat down next to Remus, a mischievous glint in his eye. "There's still hope!"

"What do you mean?" asked Remus, frowning. "Unless you propose we dress up Wormtail as a rabbit -"

"Hey! I'm not comfortable with that!" said Peter defensively.

"McGonagall," said James, pausing for dramatic effect.

"Dress up McGonagall as a rabbit? But her animagus is a cat!" said Peter, frowning.

"No! McGonagall has rabbits - for transfiguration classes!"

Remus stared wide eyed at James.

"Are you proposing we steal a rabbit from _McGonagall_?" he asked.

"It's brilliant!" exclaimed Sirius.

"It's madness!" said Peter, looking horrified.

"It's a plan," said James. "And it's the only plan we have."

* * *

"Are you sure this is it?" whispered Remus from underneath the cloak. On his left, James nodded.

"I'm sure. I mapped this room with Sirius last year. Right, Sirius?" asked James.

"Think so," said Sirius, who stood on Remus' right and carried Wormtail on his shoulder.

Remus stuck his wand out of the cloak.

" _Alohomora_ ," he whispered. He heard the familiar click that signalled that the door had unlocked. Carefully, they entered the dark room and slid out from beneath the cloak.

"This room stinks!" exclaimed Sirius, scrunching up nose in disgust.

" _Lumos_!" said James.

They were surrounded by huge cages filled with all sorts of creatures - birds, mice and guinea pigs, cats and dogs and - to Remus' delight - rabbits.

"Oh, thank Merlin!" he exclaimed in relief. "Quick, let's grab one and get out of here, before McGonagall - _Sirius what are you doing?"_

Remus could not believe his eyes. Sirius had transformed into his animagus form and was taunting the cats and dogs, his tail wagging from side to side. The cats hissed at him while the dogs barked back.

Shaking his head, Remus ran to the nearest rabbit cage, forced open the door and grabbed the first animal he saw. It wriggled and kicked so much that Remus almost dropped it. He held on tight, kicked closed the cage door and ran back to where James was standing with the cloak held up. James threw the cloak over the two of them as Wormtail jumped up onto James' shoulder.

"Hurry up, Sirius!" said Remus impatiently, but he ignored him, fuelled on by James' laughed. Remus was about to rebuke him again, but the sound of loud footsteps startled him.

"Someone's coming!"

"Nox," whispered James, and the room fell into darkness just in time - the next second the door slammed open and the Professor McGonagall was standing in the doorway, illuminated by the dim light of the corridor.

She waved her wand and the lanterns on the walls came alight. She started at padfoot who stood in all fours in the middle of the room, his tail between his legs. Remus held his breath and shared a terrified look with James, as he struggled to maintain his grip on the rabbit. Sirius stared back at McGonagall for a moment, before yelping and attempting to run around her and out of the room. She was too quick however, and with a wave of her wand, she had him _on a leash_.

Sirius whimpered and whined and rolled and pulled as he tried to escape but it was futile.

"There, there now, good boy. Good boy," said McGonagall soothingly as she scratched Sirius' head. "How did you get out of your cage? I suppose Hagrid must have tried to smuggle you out for a walk. Good boy, there's a good boy."

Sirius stopped resisting and allowed McGonagall to pet him, apparently deciding the sooner she left, the sooner we could set him free.

"Hmm, that's odd. Where's your tag?" she said, before raising her wand and tapping Sirius on the ear. Sirius yelped in pain and jumped away from her - and Remus winced when he saw that he had a small tag in his ear.

"Sensitive boy, aren't you?" said McGonagall as she tried to pet him again. Sirius growled at her and snapped at her hand.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Right, back in the cage you go," she said before forcefully dragging him into the dog cage. "There you go," she said, closing the cage. "Oh, stop your whining."

And as if the night weren't strange enough, Remus watch as right before his eyes McGonagall transformed into a cat and started pacing along the cat cages, looking intently into the cages. She made all sorts of strange cat sounds, she trilled, and chirruped and growled and hissed, she chattered and finally she sat down before a particular mellow cat, her back against the cage, purring loudly as the other cat licked her back. James and Remus shared a bemused look. A moment later, McGonagall transformed back to her human self and straightened out her clothes. She took a quick look around the room, making sure everything was in order, before extinguishing the lanterns and closing the door behind her.

No dared move - except for Sirius who continue to whimper loudly - until they were certain that she was gone. By this stage Sirius was barking and growling.

"Hold your horses, I'm coming!" said James, before he slipped out from under the cloak and open the door to the cage. Sirius bolted out and James snapped the door shut before any other dog could escape.

Sirius transformed back to his normal self, his barking transitioning seamlessly into a long string of swear words, his face flustered and red, his hands clasped on his ear.

"Well it's your own fault!" said Remus. "Now get under here before she comes back and decided she wants to mate with a cat!"

Sirius glared at him but did as he was told. The walk back to the common room was tense. Sirius continued to scowl while James struggled to suppress his laughter. Remus was preoccupied trying to maintain his grip on the rabbit.

Remus breathed a sigh of relief when they finally reached their dormitory. He dumped the rabbit on his bed. It promptly jumped off and hid under his bed.

"You know, I kind of like it," James said to Sirius who was inspecting his ear in the mirror. The circular black tag was clipped right at the top of his ear. It reminded Remus of muggle piercings.

"Muggles pay good money to get that done, you know," he said, finally seeing the humour in the situation.

"You know who would lose their shit when they see this?" said Sirius, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "McGonagall. I'm keeping it."

"Really?" exclaimed Peter gleefully.

Sirius tapped the tag with his wand, changing it to a metal silver colour.

Sirius smirked, admiring his reflection, but before he could reply, there was a knock on the dormitory door.

Remus jumped from his bed.

"That'll be Dorcas!" he said, before rushing to open the door.

Dorcas and Lily both stood at the door, looking curiously at Remus.

"Hi Remus!" said Dorcas, smiling excitedly. "We're here to see Bob. Is now a good time?"

"Of course," he said, a silly smile on his face. It had all been worth it just to see Dorcas standing so sweetly in his dormitory.

"Alright Evans?" said James, running a hand through his already messy hair.

Lily scowled and turned away from him, her eyes landing on Sirius instead.

"What is _that_?" she exclaimed as she gawked in horror at his ear.

"Like my new piercing, do you, Evans?" he said, smirking.

"That's against school rules! I'll have to report this McGonagall, you know."

"There's no need - she'll see it herself tomorrow."

"You're going to wear that to class? _Have_ _you_ _lost your mind?"_

"I think it's kind of sexy," said Dorcas, sounding amused.

Remus, who was searching under the bed for Bob, hit his head on the bed frame when he heard this.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed as he sat up, rubbing his head.

"Oh, Remus, are you okay?" said Dorcas as she walked towards him before sitting on his bed.

She placed a hand on his head, parting his hair to the side.

"Oh, that's going to bruise. You poor thing," she said. "What are you doing down there, anyway?"

"I'm looking for Bob. He was just under there a minute ago," he said, a slight blush on his cheeks.

Suddenly, something grey shot out from under Remus' bed and hopped across the room.

"There he is!" cried Remus as he scrambled to his feet. "Get him! Bob! Come back!"

James jumped forward to stop the bunny and just managed to grab him. James whooped, looking extremely proud of him but the next second the rabbit bit his finger, causing James to swear and drop him. Bob hopped out of the room and down the stairs, leaving behind a stunned silence in his wake.

"Remus?" said Dorcas slowly. "I think you need to watch that rabbit of yours or he's going to get you into a lot of trouble."

Remus laughed hollowly.

"You have no idea."

* * *

 **AN - thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. Feedback is very much appreciated. :)**


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